I spent years in my midlife feeling secretly, miserably stuck. My self-confidence was at one of its lowest points ever, I questioned my sanity and couldn’t shake the doubts that the best life had to offer was behind me.
And yet despite decades of self-help and psychology exploration, when I finally came across a new understanding, the three principles or an inside out approach, the climb out of the depths of doom and gloom was quick and effortless.
And if you’re feeling as if there’s no way out of this for you too, I’d like to share some of what I discovered here.
Being stuck is just a collection of thoughts
This may sound strange, but as a mentor of mine says, if you can’t put the object of your thoughts into a wheelbarrow, it doesn’t exist except as an idea that’s living inside your head. So can we put being stuck into a container of any sort (no matter how big or small)?
The answer of course is a huge no. It’s impossible because however much we search, we’re never going to find “stuckness” out there in the world. It’s a mental construct made up of nothing more tangible or concrete than a collection of thoughts (and this is where our glimmer of hope and midlife transformation lies).
Thoughts are not necessarily “the truth” even though we often act as if they are. I loved the Tooth fairy as a child and when I was young I had many thoughts about which latest outfit she might be wearing. But then I discovered that she wasn’t real and I had different thoughts about her.
I have thoughts about what I’m capable of and then realise I might just as easily have thoughts that tell me the opposite. Thoughts pass in and out of our mind without our control and they’re as real as cotton wool clouds. They can change with little or no effort and so our idea of stuckness, what it says about us, whether we’re going to be swirling around in it for any length of time, is never real. It’s never “out there” but only a reflection of our current level of thoughts.
So if stuckness isn’t real, how on earth might we move beyond it’s apparent appearance of reality?
I want to reassure you that there’s always a step away from the mind games going on in our head.
Always. The step might seem tiny, insignificant even, it may be subtle, almost a whisper or glimmer, but I promise you, it’s always there. So how will you recognise it? It might be a quick idea or feeling about wanting to go and have a cup of tea, walk the dog or chat to a friend. It’s the opportunity for something different or new to come into your experience.
It will rarely look earth shattering in any way. And all you have to do is take this next step and then when you’ve done that, the next step will occur to you and the next and the next. You may have no idea where this is all leading, you may feel that each tiny step is so insignificant you’ll wonder how can it possibly ever lead you out of stuckness but it will, gradually and gently until you can look back and marvel at how far you’re come.
You have a never ending supply of new ideas and steps forward – they’re your birth right as a fully thinking, feeling human being. Just trust you have a constant stream of next steps available to float right into your awareness and the more and quicker you act on them, the faster they’ll float into your mind at exactly the right moment.
And so finally, my love I hope you’re starting to glimpse the idea that there is nothing wrong with you, nothing that’s broken or needs fixing. Your stuckness was never a sign that you’d lost it, that anything serious was wrong. Midlife isn’t the time to get out the slippers and stay at home, staring at four walls for the rest of your life (unless you want it to be, of course).
Your innate wellbeing never left you and looking inward, allowing new insights to help you move forward is all you ever have to do to help you transform your stuckness.
I can’t wait to hear what you get up to!
If you’d like to discover more about getting out of your own stuckness and you know you want to do more with your midlife (and beyond) even if at the moment you haven’t the foggiest what that might look like, get on a free Flourish call with me.
Together we’ll explore what your version of a great midlife looks like and we’ll get you moving forward.
My guarantee: You will make progress during our conversation.
We'll also talk about whether 1:1 coaching with me is the right next step for you. For details of my current coaching package there is more info here.
I look forward to talking to you.